my first crush...

I will never 4get my 1st crush.
I was a fresh-faced, wide-eyed, experiment bound 11-year old ingenue.
She was a year younger, with a body from another world(France, i
think) n as attractive n sexy as an angel from hell! In my pre-teen
excitement, my eyes were suddenly opened to her appeal, my heart was 4
the 1st time invigorated n i felt a deep connection 2her. I was opened
to a whole new world of feelings, n my entire being had an urgent
lusty desire to do something. It was a hopeless case of infantile
infatuation. So i approached her, stared longingly n lovingly at her.
Then i touched her, felt her smoothness n ran by hands along her
wondrous body. Then i went in..!
Oh, how i loved her inside. 4 a while when i was inside her i was
immobile. Then i turned the ignition on, n the Peugout 405 crashed into
the wall of the carport!!

I THINK..

I think she has a huge allure. Her beauty. Her untainted sense of
humour. The sense that I will never want for anything ever again. That
I am stuck in a pantomime and life is just one bag of sweeties and
laughter.
I dream of going down the Happy road, paved with good times and
laughter, and success just to amplify it all. It’s a good dream to
have and it’s why I am a sucker for her. It’s why I am looking at her
with a cocked eyebrow and a head full of possibilities.
The possibility of happiness as a self evident truth that can be
pursued and obtained.
The possibility of creating a brave new world of persistent good
fortune. Where joy overshadows pain.
A world where being unique is not about being different, but being outstanding.
The possibility of happiness, being outstanding, success and joy being
a characterization of an entire life…

IN A STATE OF CONSTANT FLUX

Toiling to leave a memory behind
Becoming, never being, till
Becoming is a being still

I was mothered when young;
And allowed myself to be smothered when I came of age.

I expose the duality of man;
Heroic and also infantile;
Both admirable and infuriating;
The thoroughly modern
and the hopelessly primitive;

The extraordinary range of interests I have;
A mercurial side that verges on the unpleasantness;
An ever urgent desire to make money;
While allowing myself to be pampered and financed by the folks.

The desire to be obsessive and successful in what I do;
I am a fanatical launcher of projects I rarely finish;
To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive

A quick fire through my veins;
With sex and temperament and style;
All eloquence and balls and brains;
Heroic and also infantile.